Impatient, Frustrated, Discouraged…And Yet Improving

Life seems to be all about paradoxes and contradictions. I’m no exception, apparently. I’m impatient and frustrated, and yet improving. It’s more important now more than ever that I record my improvements, or else they’ll slip by me unnoticed as I compare myself to other people.

Here are my latest improvements:

  • I have increased internal rotation. Notably. Got down on my knees today, and was able to rotate my left foot out/left knee in farther than I have in a long time (a year?). I can actually get my foot in line with me knee, whereas before my foot was inside the knee when looking down, as in stuck in external rotation. Dare I say it, but now I think I can even get a little actual internal rotation. This is huge. Every bit of internal rotation I get, the more access I have to my glute muscles and medial hamstrings. And how have I achieved this improvement? Several things. Reverse clams. Sitting, moving my legs as close to internal rotation as possible, and activating the muscles (adductors, hamstrings, glutes) in that position by pressing my foot in different directions.

 

  • Glute bridges actually produce a burn in my glutes and hamstrings. It’s been ages since this exercise produced a burn anywhere other than my right lower back (yes, you read that correctly…my lower back). Seems like now the correct muscles are being activated. And while some may say only my glutes should be activating…oh well. My left hamstrings have visibly withered away, so they need MASSIVE work. I hypothesize that strengthening my hamstrings will help pull the left side of my pelvis back into position (I think it’s rotated forward at the moment.) I’ll take activation of both muscle groups for now, thank you very much. This is HUGE. Now I can do this exercise every day, or as much as I my body can take.

 

  • I’m increasingly using no aid walking around the house. This presents a huge paradox for me. Out in the world, I alternate between one crutch and a cane mostly. Once and a while (rarely), no aid. While this is overall an improvement, it making me work harder than ever. This makes life feel twice as hard as it used to be when I was on two crutches, because then I could simply lean on the crutches. Walking with fewer aids is hard work, and when life gets hard, I get discouraged. Nevertheless, me using less aids is an improvement. I need to remember this, even as I struggle to get accustomed to fewer walking aids. Sometimes I miss using two crutches, even though I think it made my lower body weaker overall.

 

  • My right, less symptomatic hip is less achy than it used to be overall. I’ve noticed the improvement since making it a point to be on my feet around the house more (working on the computer, etc)

 

  • My standing stamina is improving. While walking 10 feet with no aids is still a struggle, standing on my feet and carefully shifting my weight is getting easier. I’m able to last around a couple hours (max) on my feet. This much, much better than the 20-30 minutes I used to last when I was at my worst months ago. At my worst months ago, I was terrified that I was one step away from a wheelchair. Not anymore, woot!

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