August 2, 2018 – More Progress…And Yet I’m Still Impatient

More Progress

The world is slowly becoming easier to navigate. My kitchen doesn’t feel like it’s five miles long. It doesn’t feel like a marathon to make my way from the living room workstation to the bathroom.

Also, standing on my knees is easier. About a month ago if I kneeled down and tried to straighten my upper body, I couldn’t do it. The left side was too weak/painful, and I could feel something catch in that hip. This morning, I was on all fours sorting through the mountain of laundry on the floor, and without thinking straightened up (while on my knees). Nice! I even knocked out a few hip hinges in that position, which I was definitely too painful a month ago.

EMS (electro muscle stimulation): My weak (left) leg takes nearly twice the power to get the medial quads firing compared to the other leg. Wow.

As of this week (or was it late last week?), I’ve started using the elliptical/adaptive strider at the gym adjacent to the pool. First I only lasted 2:11, and then about 7:00, and then I did 15:00. After 15:00 (which wiped out my energy levels for the rest of the day, similar to the way a 5k run used to), I took it back down to 10:00, which was better. It’s hard trying to figure out what is too much vs not enough for my body.

Lately, I’ve been getting a gnarly pain in my left hamstring/lower glute area, so I’ve given myself a handful of days off of the elliptical. It’s not painful every step, but on frequent occasions when I go to lift my leg when stepping forward or going up a step, it’s like a kick in the butt. Ouch! The last thing I need is a pulled muscle…I tell myself maybe the muscle is just cramping from disuse, and it needs time to learn to act like a normal muscle again.



Reminding myself of my baby steps forward is helpful during this infuriatingly slow process. Even as I grow stronger and in less pain, I grow increasingly frustrated that I’m not “normal”. It’s hard not to hyper-focus on other people who seem to walk without difficulty and not get jealous…or bitter.  It’s like the world is passing you by.

I’ve never worked for anything so hard in my life.

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